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The True Meaning of Christmas |
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Jeff Arnold - Dec 24,2006
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OK..OK..It is not splash. It is not Dash and it has nothing to do with Seaplanes, but I believe the great legal minds amongst us will enjoy this.<br /><br />I wish you all Ecstatic yuletide to the planetary constituency.<br /><br />------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />A lawyer's version of the classic:<br /><br /> T'was the Night Before Christmas<br /> <br /> T'was the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the<br /> annual yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence,<br /> kinetic energy was not in evidence among the possessors of this<br /> potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus<br /> musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge<br /> of the woodburning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory<br /> pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric<br /> philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific<br /> St. Nicholas.<br /><br /> The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their<br /> respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious<br /> visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving<br /> rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I,<br /> attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take<br /> slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the<br /> arenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a<br /> cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with<br /> alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining<br /> the precise source thereof.<br /><br /> Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing<br /> this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance<br /> without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline<br /> precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian<br /> itself--thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to<br /> behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight<br /> diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,<br /> aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble it became instantly apparent<br /> to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate<br /> motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more<br /> vertiginous velocity than patriotic acclaim predicates, he<br /> vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted<br /> labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective<br /> cognomen--'now Dasher, now Dancer... 'et al.--guiding them to the<br /> uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I<br /> could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32<br /> cloven pedal extremities.<br /><br /> As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was<br /> performing a 180 degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved,<br /> with utmost celerity and via a downward leap, entry by way of the<br /> smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the<br /> ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had<br /> accumulated on the walls of said pathway. His resemblance to a<br /> street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted<br /> playthings which be bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.<br /><br /> His visual input centers were scintillating with the reflected<br /> luminosity, while his submaxillary indentations gave every evidence<br /> of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and<br /> nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the<br /> subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of<br /> albino's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus Avium, or<br /> sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supra-labials resembled nothing<br /> so much as a loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment<br /> appeared like small tabular, and columnar crystals of frozen water.<br /><br /> Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking-piece whose grey<br /> fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive<br /> of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider<br /> than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent<br /> abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectated fruit syrup<br /> in a hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor<br /> less than an obese, jocund, multigenerian gnome, the optical<br /> perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every<br /> effort to refrain from so being. By swiftly lowering, then<br /> elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he<br /> indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.<br /><br /> Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the<br /> aforementioned hosiery from that dorsally transported woven<br /> container. Upon completion of this task, he executed an<br /> about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition<br /> to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture<br /> of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating<br /> (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a<br /> short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of<br /> air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered<br /> quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement<br /> heretofore observable chiefly among the seed bearing portions of a<br /> common weed. But I overheard his vocalization beyond the limits of<br /> visibility: 'A lawyer's version of the classic:<br /><br /> T'was the Night Before Christmas<br /> <br /> T'was the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the<br /> annual yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence,<br /> kinetic energy was not in evidence among the possessors of this<br /> potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus<br /> musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge<br /> of the woodburning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory<br /> pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric<br /> philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific<br /> St. Nicholas.<br /><br /> The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their<br /> respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious<br /> visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving<br /> rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I,<br /> attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take<br /> slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the<br /> arenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a<br /> cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with<br /> alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining<br /> the precise source thereof.<br /><br /> Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing<br /> this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance<br /> without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline<br /> precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian<br /> itself--thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to<br /> behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight<br /> diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,<br /> aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble it became instantly apparent<br /> to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate<br /> motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more<br /> vertiginous velocity than patriotic acclaim predicates, he<br /> vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted<br /> labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective<br /> cognomen--'now Dasher, now Dancer... 'et al.--guiding them to the<br /> uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I<br /> could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32<br /> cloven pedal extremities.<br /><br /> As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was<br /> performing a 180 degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved,<br /> with utmost celerity and via a downward leap, entry by way of the<br /> smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the<br /> ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had<br /> accumulated on the walls of said pathway. His resemblance to a<br /> street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted<br /> playthings which be bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.<br /><br /> His visual input centers were scintillating with the reflected<br /> luminosity, while his submaxillary indentations gave every evidence<br /> of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and<br /> nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the<br /> subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of<br /> albino's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus Avium, or<br /> sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supra-labials resembled nothing<br /> so much as a loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment<br /> appeared like small tabular, and columnar crystals of frozen water.<br /><br /> Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking-piece whose grey<br /> fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive<br /> of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider<br /> than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent<br /> abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectated fruit syrup<br /> in a hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor<br /> less than an obese, jocund, multigenerian gnome, the optical<br /> perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every<br /> effort to refrain from so being. By swiftly lowering, then<br /> elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he<br /> indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.<br /><br /> Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the<br /> aforementioned hosiery from that dorsally transported woven<br /> container. Upon completion of this task, he executed an<br /> about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition<br /> to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture<br /> of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating<br /> (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a<br /> short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of<br /> air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered<br /> quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement<br /> heretofore observable chiefly among the seed bearing portions of a<br /> common weed. But I overheard his vocalization beyond the limits of<br /> visibility: 'Ecstatic yuletide to the planetary constituency, and<br /> to the selfsame assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubrious,<br /> beneficial, and gratifying, pleasurable period between sunset and<br /> the dawn!', and<br /> to the selfsame assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubrious,<br /> beneficial, and gratifying, pleasurable period between sunset and<br /> the dawn!'
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